OOTD 2.27.2012 :: Why wait?
Have you ever been in a situation that tests you? That challenges you to your very core, so much so that you emerge a different person on the other side of the mission? Forcing you to take risks yet you still may lose? And you deal with it all, keeping the smile on as best you can? Welcome to my life right now.
Impatience is one of the more unfortunate aspects of my personality. It’s something that I have struggled with as long as I can remember, taming it at times but mostly just trying to temper it as much as possible. At its best impatience can make me decisive and sometimes even impulses pay off occasionally, like when I decided to start taking TV writing classes or jump on a plane to LA to go pitch. At its worst, the deep-set inability to wait turns me into a control freak who craves the driver’s seat so badly I can mess up an otherwise good situation by forcing decisions before it’s time. I can literally lose out on opportunities by refusing to wait. It’s strange how I can be incredibly patient and pragmatic in most situations yet my impatience will rear its ugly head when I can least bear it. And so it is that in my current predicament when I can ill afford to be neurotic all of my neuroses are of course on full display instead.
The worst of it is, I have a situation like this one to draw on. I’ve made this mistake before. I took a potentially good situation and was so obsessed with the next step forward that I never got to enjoy any of it. When it was over and I didn’t get my way the loss was all the more profound. At the time I promised myself to be more patient, even though I didn’t really know why patience was the key. Maybe that’s why it’s been a struggle to follow through on that promise. I see it better now.
All I can do right now is wait. I’m waiting on a decision that is out of my hands and could either turn out in my favor or not. That could move things forward or not. That could make my life better or not. I’ve spent the last few weeks trying to influence the decision in my favor…communicating, cajoling and buttering up. In my mind, the sooner the decision was made the sooner we could move on and move forward. And in my mind it was a no-brainer that the decision should fall the way I wanted.
Of course the reality is that I have at best a 50-50 shot. Maybe less now. I was so intent on coercing forward movement that instead I introduced new questions. Forced the other party to back up and think things through more carefully. Imposed a new longer, indeterminate deadline on myself. I made it harder instead of easier. The more I pushed the more I backed everyone else into a corner and who wants that? I hope it’s not too late. I just couldn’t see it at the time. I asked friends for advice — why is this taking so long? What can I do to get things moving? Instead the question I should have asked was, why am I so set on making a decision right now?
I have been called perseverant many times in a professional context. To me, perseverance was synonymous with endurance. It meant running as hard as you could for longer than you thought you could to cross the finish line whole. Tired, but satisfied. Able to turn around and be happy with the hard painful work that got you there. Now I’ve learned an important lesson. Sometimes perseverance isn’t about movement at all. Sometimes it’s about standing still, giving up control and listening to what’s going on around you. Only moving when everyone is ready and all the information is available. In other words, it’s about waiting.
I hate waiting. But I am trying.
Outfit 1:
J.Crew Fisherman’s Henley
Club Monaco Striped Dress (similar here, here and here)
Hue Black Super Opaque Tights in black
Falke Strigging Over the Knee Socks
Vince Camuto Autumn Boots
Outfit 2:
Anthropologie Incantation Cardigan in brown (previously seen here in dark grey)
Hue Black Super Opaque Tights in brown
Biviel BVC053 aka Anthropologie’s Wandering Platforms
Anthropologie Necklace
